praXis

Hanging on Deck

2006-04-19T23:47:00.000-07:00

Hanging on Deck
Originally uploaded by Terrablu.

flickr tags: April, 2005, Bernie, Pregnant, Belly, Deck, Terra

More Blessings & Animals

2005-11-11T16:37:00.000-08:00

More Blessings & Animals
Originally uploaded by Terry Bain.

blessings [x] animals [x] blessingoftheanimals [x] StFrancis [x] StMarks [x] Lutheran [x] StMarksLutheranChurch [x] church [x] Spokane [x] turtle

Blessing of the Animals, Oct 2, 2005 I

2005-11-11T14:30:00.000-08:00

Blessing of the Animals, Oct 2, 2005 I
Originally uploaded by Terry Bain.

blessing [x] blessingoftheanimals [x] stmarks [x] lutheran [x] church [x] animals [x] stfrancis [x] dog [x]

Lifehack / 50 Tools

2005-06-16T13:35:00.000-07:00

Lifehack / 50 Tools
Originally uploaded by Terry Bain.

Lifehack has posted some handy tools for writers... these tools actually seem pretty handy, and maybe you already knew all or most of them, but I always think it's a good idea to see a tool written in a different way, from a different hand, because sometimes it just doesn't make any sense until we've seen and heard it twelve hundred times from twelve hundred people.

Blessings and luck on you writers out there.

tags // writer / writing / 50Tools / 50WritingTools / WritingTools / Writing / Tools / lifehack / life / hack / productivity / productive / blog

The Freedom to Read Act

2005-06-13T05:48:00.000-07:00

The folks at True Majority have already said what needs to be said far better than I could say what needs to be said, so I'll quote them here and provide the appropriate links:

"If the 1st Amendment means anything, it means that a state has no business telling a man, sitting alone in his own house, what books he may read or what films he may watch." - Justice Thurgood Marshall writing the majority opinion in STANLEY v. GEORGIA

When the "Patriot Act" was first passed just six weeks after the attacks of 9/11 it included several provisions that were, well, un-American. One of the worst allows the government to go before a secret court to get a secret subpoena to access just about any records they want from libraries and bookstores to find out who's reading what. Included in the subpoenas is a gag order for the librarians and booksellers that threatens them with jail time if they tell anyone (you, for example) about the search. And because of the secrecy and gag orders these subpoenas can never be challenged because the victims don't know about them and the librarians and booksellers can't talk about them. [1]

When they finally got around to actually reading the Patriot Act, many Members of Congress were concerned about this intrusion on our liberties. Rep. Bernie Sanders pulled together a coalition from the left and the right to overturn this madness and last year offered an amendment to the budget forbidding any money to be spent on these secret searches, essentially ending them. Miracle of miracles, despite strong pressure from the Republican leadership the amendment passed the House. Then, in another un-American - and unprecedented - move the Republican leadership said that the vote wasn't actually over and then spent hours twisting arms getting Republican legislators to change their votes. They kept this up until they had turned enough votes and then, BANG, voting was ended. Shocking. For those of you keeping score, that's parliamentary hijinks to overturn a majority vote so that secret courts and gag orders could be maintained.

Well, Rep. Sanders and his colleagues are going to try again this week and this time we think they might win. Please take a moment to join with the American Booksellers Association and the American Library Association in telling your Congressmember to support the Freedom to Read Protection Act. Just click this link to send a message:

http://action.truemajority.org/campaign/Freedom_to_Read_Act

To hear a fascinating story about how the system is supposed to
work click here:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4676707 and check out an NPR story about one library system that challenged a conventional subpoena and won. [2] The lesson here is that if the FBI had used the Patriot Act instead of traditional laws the librarians couldn't have appealed and the subpoena couldn't have been overturned.

Thanks for helping,

Andrew Greenblatt
Online Organizer

Act: Take Action: the Freedom to Read Act

tags // freedomtoread / patriot / patriotact / act / truemajority / takeaction / read / library / bookseller / books

Oriana Fallaci Faces Defamation Charges in Italy

2005-05-26T07:57:00.000-07:00

Want freedom of speech? You got it. But don't publish your book in Italy:

Top News Article | Reuters.com: "A judge has ordered best-selling writer and journalist Oriana Fallaci to stand trial in her native Italy on charges she defamed Islam in a recent book.

...

Fallaci lives in New York and has regularly provoked the wrath of Muslims with her outspoken criticism of Islam following the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks on U.S. cities."

Technorati Tags: islam, defamation, italy, italian, OrianaFallaci

Ken Foster's Website Has Gone to the Dog Blogs

2005-05-23T07:46:00.000-07:00

I can't really decide if this post belongs in the Literary Praxis or in the You Are a Dog blog, so I'll likely cross post. But Ken Foster (author of The Kind I'm Likely to Get and editor of The KGB Bar Reader and Dog Culture) has temporarily turned his website into a blog, and it features (of course) a lot of dog stuff. His memoir, The Dogs Who Found Me, will be published this year, and I'm looking forward to putting it on my wish list.

Blessings on Ken, and good luck finding a decent server. And thanks to Beatrice for noticing this: ken-foster.com.

Technorati Tags: KenFoster, dog, blog, dogblog, dogwriter, writer, author, KGB, editor

LitBlog Co-Op

2005-05-17T12:48:00.000-07:00

The Lit-Blog Co-Op has chosen Case Histories by Kate Atkinson as its first "Read This!" pick/recommendation. There's not much more I have to say about it because I haven't read it. I've looked at it a half a dozen times in the bookstore, but I haven't yet pulled the trigger. Maybe the recommendation will get me to do so.

Then again, maybe not. Visit the LitBlog Co-Op blog (linked above) for more information...

Technorati Tags: litblogcoop, litblog, coop, casehistories, book, blog, co-op, lit, literary, readthis, recommendation

A La Diablo and Back / Libby Wagner

2005-05-13T23:43:00.000-07:00

My lovely friend Libby Wagner has a lovely travel piece over at blueroadrunner.com: A La Diablo and Back by Libby Wagner.

We ride along until we stop at some fork with a sign I can't begin to translate-half the letters are transposed and it doesn't make much sense. I think it says "Be careful of livestock crossing" or something like that, and later George will tell us that good racer etiquette includes searching out a rancher and paying him if you've killed one of his cows during the race.

I was going to try not to use the word "lovely" again in this post, but then I decided that it would be necessary if I was going to mention her lovely book, Like This, Like That.

Technorati Tags: ladiablo, diablo, libbywagner, libby, wagner, travel, race, poet

SnarkSpot Peeps

2005-05-12T14:08:00.000-07:00

A person should always pay careful attention to the needs of their two-year old peeps:

SnarkSpot: "'No, no, get out! Get out and sit in chair! Sit in chair and look at peoples!'"

Technorati Tags: peoples, two, twoyearolds, peeps, children, books, blog, snarkspot

Swiper Sleeps with Gods in Alabama

2005-05-12T11:29:00.000-07:00

Swiper Sleeps with Gods in Alabama
Originally uploaded by Terry Bain.

I've only read the first few pages of Gods in Alabama, but if the first two pages are any indication of a worthy novel (and sometimes they are), I'm looking forward to this one (of course the book was a gift to my wife, so I should wait for her to read it... and now it looks as if I'm going to have to wait for the cat to finish it too).

You might also want to go listen in at Joshilyn Jackson's blog, because she's just a damn good writer and worth reading every day she writes something.

Technorati Tags: joshilynjackson, godsinalabama, alabama, gods, cat, swiper, read, reading, book, litblog, literary, literature, fiction, novel

Such a Lonely Word

2005-05-11T13:26:00.000-07:00

I'm intrigued by This Post at THE LITBLOG CO-OP: Such a Lonely Word.

"Art is about shaping things, it's about craft and deliberation, skill and surprise. It's not a therapy session. I'm so tired of poets who say, 'Here is my heart on a platter -- eat it, for it is a poem, and should be savored, because it is honest!' Such people should be tossed out windows and mocked viciously!"

I remember once when a friend of mine said that art should reflect reality. Like a mirror. I think she used the word mirror. And I said something back with enough force that she was pretty sure I was angry with her. I didn't slam my fist down, but I did want to make sure she knew where I stood on the issue.

Because art doesn't reflect the world. You can't hold up a piece of art and say, "this is the way the world is." What you can do is hold up a piece of art and say, "this is the way a world is." It's the world shown in that piece of art. That poem. That novel. That painting.

Even art that looks very much like a report of events is not reflecting the "real" world (whatever that is). It's making it's own world. I don't read The Things They Carried because it's going to look like the Vietnam war. I read it because it creates a remarkable world. Everything in that book is real. It's a real world. It has walls and guns and people and dying animals. But it isn't this world. It isn't the world I see in a mirror.

Hell, I don't trust a mirror anyway. What I see in the mirror is just reflected light. No emotions. No magic. No motive. No life. Just light. Turn off the light, it disappears.

Turn off the light and art still exists. It exists inside you. And that's important. And that's the difference.

Technorati Tags: poetry, poem, art, judge, litblog, litblogcoop, coop, literary, blog, TimOBrien, novel, writing, art, mirror

News / NYT / Would You, Could You in a Box?

2005-05-09T20:58:00.000-07:00

Writing e-friend Grant Bailie is writing in a box for at the Flux Factory. I know for sure this gig wouldn't be for me, but if you're in the neighborhood, maybe you'll want to drop by.

The New York Times did a story on 'em: Would You, Could You in a Box? (Write, That Is.) - New York Times.

There's also a slide show.

Personally, I think he's crazy. But he has my best.

Technorati Tags: nyt, newyorktimes, newyork, fluxfactory, flux, factory, writers, box, novel, writer, readings

define:folksonomy

2005-04-29T00:09:00.000-07:00

Why do we need to define folksonomy? Why do we need the word folksonomy? Why do we keep trying to mystify what doesn't need to be mystified?

Because we prefer mystification. We prefer being a part of the club. We prefer knowing more than that guy over there. And so long as this is true, we'll need to find out what that guy over there is talking about when he says that "folksonomies tap people power," and Wikipedia does a pretty darn good job: Folksonomy - Wikipedia.

Tags: folksonomy, folksonomies, tag, wikipedia, define, definition, comment

define:conformation

2005-04-19T11:39:00.000-07:00

I'm often annoyed by conformation, even though I secretly love to watch the dog shows (not a secret anymore, of course) because of all the too-gorgeous dogs you can find there.

Too many aspects of dog conformation seem based on nothing but made-up illusions about body-shape, movement, etc., and have nothing to do with a dog being a good dog. So I worry about breeding the dog out of the dog. I worry that we don't know as much about genetics as we think we do. And I worry because conformation seems to deny the "usefulness" of dogs as companions or helpers or anything but baubles (okay, I'm being a little aggressive about this when I really didn't mean to... some days I'm more annoyed by it than others).

I don't deny that there are "breeds" that I find more "attractive" than others, but I do deny that there is any "ideal conformation" for any of those breed except that the dog be healthy, be untroubled by the demons of abuse, and be in a home or work environment that allows the dog to be a dog rather than decor. It's possible for these to occur whether the dog fits an AKC conformation or not. Even the AKC would admit that (at least I think they would). And I would also say that I would rather not have dogs breed based on their attractiveness.

I'm mostly annoyed, it seems, with my own preference for an attractive dog. My human weakness makes me want my dog to look a certain way, and that feels wrong--even dangerous.

I'm not against breeds, as such, and I wouldn't really deny anyone the right to breed to AKC standards or purchase a dog bred by those standards. But I worry. I fret. I wonder if it doesn't too often create more problems than it fixes. I worry about what doing so does to me, a human being, when I begin to feel as if I can change the way a species changes. Am I not asking for trouble?

Feel free to comment if you like. And review the definition of conformation via google, below.

Define: conformation.

Quotation Rotation / Hannah Arendt / Equality...

2005-04-13T06:20:00.000-07:00

Equality is the result of human organization. We are not born equal. // Hannah Arendt

Google Search: itunes free single of the week

2005-03-21T13:44:00.000-08:00

Doing a Google search on "iTunes free single of the week?" Be prepared to see my site at the top.

I'm always surprised by results like this. But it clearly makes a difference that this exactly matches my link text. And (probably) that my site is a blog, and a blogger blog no less, which is a blog owned by google, so the thing naturally works the way google wants it to work.

See: Google Search: itunes free single of the week

define: ides

2005-03-14T23:15:00.000-08:00

When the ides of march roles around, a person should have a definition of just exactly what that is handy so they can out-nerd their nerd friends.

I'm here to help.

"Remember March; the ides of March remember."

Subscribe to Hot Dogs

2005-02-14T07:44:00.000-08:00

Subscribe to My "Hot Dogs" Mailing List

[I will share your mailing address with nobody, use it for nothing but mailing you updates on my exploits, and I promise to be always just about as entertaining as you might expect... never more or less than that.]

define: draconian

2005-01-19T03:32:00.000-08:00

Herewith another one of those words overused in the press which has become a synonym for "bad," simply by virtue of its overuse, and which is actually a useful word once examined: draconian. I know you've run across this word. It's usually flung at once policy or another, from one side of the street or wall or building, giving the label to an opposing group's policies or ideologies or passions or whatever. Whenever you find this word in use, remind yourself of this fact, and see if the use of the word measures up to its meaning.

Blessings.

define:dog

2005-01-11T01:13:00.000-08:00

Looking for a definition of the word "dog"?

Try this: define:dog. There's a bunch of them.

When you're done with that, look down at your feet. Or in your lap. Or up on the sofa. That there is a dog. See?

define:tsunami

2004-12-28T14:12:00.000-08:00

Click here for a definition of tsunami.

When you're finished with that, donate here to the Red Cross.

A Book in the Hand Is Worth Two on the Radio

2004-12-13T09:31:00.000-08:00

Here's a lesson from radio-interview-land. It helps tremendously when the folks on the other end of the line (the interviewers) have a copy of the book they are interviewing you about. When your publicist does not effectively get them a copy of your book, the interviewers pretty much have to guess at what your book is about, and they end up asking questions unrelated to your book--"so what should we do about all the animals that end up at the pound?" When they do have a copy of your book, as the folks at WMJI did this morning, they tend to say things like, "this is really a terrific book. Listen to this bit about the pill." They then proceed to ead a section from your book, and laughing, and enjoying themselves, and you feel less like a monkey in a cage at the entrance to Bingo Mart. So, if you had any doubts about that, I hope this settles them for you.

Mentioned: [Lanigan and Malone].

define:insurgent

2004-11-08T06:08:00.000-08:00

Do you ever sit up and take notice when the folks in the news start using a word without taking the time to make sure everyone knows what it means? Then, later, that word becomes shorthand for something. Here's the latest example:

define:insurgent

What's an insurgent? There are any number of definitions to choose from, and Google gives us three there.

Dictionary.com does it this way. But when it's used in the media, I'm getting the growing sense that the word is shorthand for "the bad guys." In other words, "It's too much work to find out exactly who it was, specifically, who bombed U.S. forces in Falluja, so we'll just call them insurgents."

I do not like what happens to a word like this one. It looks specific, especially if we don't know what it means. But it's really quite vague.

My guess is that there are any number of factions fighting against the soldiers in Iraq, but the press has lumped them together as if they are one, great, embattled enemy. This does nothing but blur the line of truth, and I would ask that if you are a member of the press, and you are reading this, that you discontinue the use of this word. Find out who and what it is you're talking about before telling us you know what you're talking about.

This goes for all pundits and bloggers as well. Be specific or be quiet.

Thanks.

Aunties Bookstore Reading

2004-11-03T07:36:00.000-08:00

Tonight I read from You Are a Dog at Aunties Bookstore.

You'll be there, won't you?

Barney Votes?

2004-11-03T06:24:00.000-08:00

I don't know how they did it, but according to the Barney web site, it looks as if Barney the White House dog voted in the 2004 presidential election.

It doesn't appear to have mattered, however, as DC was blue by a significant percentage.

Carver's Ts > A New Section of T-Shirts by a Seven Year Old

2004-10-23T16:19:00.000-07:00

Go See all the t-shirts and enjoy them, won't you?

Homily » October 3, 2004 » Blessing of the Animals » St. Mark's Lutheran Church

2004-10-07T17:29:00.000-07:00

Shalom,

In case you need reminding, this is the blessing of the animals. At my house, we share our lives with two dogs and a cat--Pretzel, Sadie, and Swiper. And though these animals have never come to us and asked us to increase their faith, I'm going to use them as an entryway for understanding both the apostles' request and Jesus' response from our Gospel reading.

Would you describe your animals as faithful? I'm going to take a leap here and answer for you by saying that yes, they are. But how can we describe the faith of a pet? To whom, or what, is a pet faithful? To you? To each other? To God?

Does a pet's faith rely on a belief in your existence? (I sometimes question, actually, whether the cat believes I exist outside my ability to put food into her bowl.) Do you think that your pet believes you will always provide for them?

I don't think that. The way our dogs act at suppertime, I wonder if they thought I might never feed them again.

This year we brought a new dog into our home--Sadie. She loves to play fetch, to chase the ball as fast as she can run, to catch the ball mid-bounce if possible, and return it to us just as quickly.

Sometimes, when I throw a ball for Sadie, if it doesn't go where she expected it to go, she can't find it. Once it stops moving, it's as good as lost. She searches the grass willy nilly, not making much progress toward the ball (she's more of a herding dog than a scent dog). When she tires of looking for it, she returns to me, hoping I still have it, that I've tricked her and will throw it again. But I don't have it. I point toward the ball. "It's over there," I say.

You know what Sadie does, don't you? She looks at my finger. At my hand. At my gesture. Instead of following the direction of my finger out toward the ball, she refuses to take her eyes off me.

"Go get it," I say, "No! Over there!" I say.

I try to keep myself from saying, "You stupid dog."

The more I yell and point and sigh and shake my head, the less she seems to understand that I don't have the ball, that it left my hand and it's thataway, Sadie.

But Sadie and I don't really speak the same language, no matter how much I may think she understands what I'm saying to her, no matter how many dog books I may write. She understands me in a very different way than I intend when I speak my ridiculous human language to her; she only truly understands when I take her out into the field and show her where the ball has been hiding. She picks it up immediately, even if I am already reaching to pick it up myself, and she puts it into my hands and steps away, waiting for me to throw it again.

So here are the apostles, playing their favorite game, and they say to Jesus, "Increase our faith." And Jesus points to it. "Go get it. It's over there."

I like to think that maybe Jesus was trying to keep himself from saying, "You stupid apostles."

Instead he tells the apostles, "If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, the mulberry tree would obey you." Now I like to put myself in a row behind the apostles here, trying not to look at Jesus' pointing finger as he shows them the way, so I sit there thinking he's telling us, maybe, that we just need that little bit of faith. A mustard seed. It's so tiny. Is that really all I need?

The danger, of course, is to look at this passage and think that Jesus was telling the apostles that they didn't even have faith the size of a mustard seed. But there's something else going on here. When Jesus follows up by asking if the apostles if they expect a servant to come in from the fields and be anything but a servant, shouldn't we we step back a few moments and wonder, do we ask anything of the mustard seed but that it be a mustard seed?

We expect that the mustard seed will become a mustard plant. The mustard seed cannot be what it isn't. It is true to itself-to God's creation. So long as the mustard seed does not try to grow into the mulberry tree, it is being faithful to God's creation.

Thus the servant in God's house is faithful by being true to his or her own nature.

Shakespeare put it this way:

This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Shakespeare was a pretty smart guy. So long as you are true to yourself, you will be true to everyone else as well. God resides with you in the form of the Holy Spirit. You must let the Holy Spirit guide you. You might say, "but I don't hear that voice inside myself." But you don't need to hear voices to know when you are being true to your nature. You know when you are being true to the spirit, when you are being true to yourself as God created you.

Sadie, when we're playing fetch, watches me, fully aware that eventually I will show her the way to the ball. Our other dog, Pretzel, is true to herself by fetching the ball once and taking it to the far corners of the field, never letting me have the ball back in the first place. Swiper, the cat, climbs trees and hunts for mice and wonders what all the fuss is about. They are not so much faithful to me as they are faithful to themselves as God's creations.

To be faithful followers of Christ, the apostles, as well as you and I, have to be true to ourselves as God's creations. I like to think that when the apostles asked that Jesus increase their faith, this was good news to him. It was not the amount of faith that he found important, but the mere presence of that faith. That the apostles were asking Jesus to increase their faith meant that they were already being true to themselves, faithful to their creation, seeking out a faith that, though they didn't quite understand it, had already taken residence within themselves.

This kind of faith likely has as much to do with loyalty as it does with belief. And so long as we continue to turn our faces to God and ask forgiveness, so long as we continue to ask questions and worship and share our meals with Christ, we may not have all the answers we're looking for, but we will continue to have faith.

This is important, of course, for those of us who sometimes wonder-as the apostles did-if we have enough faith. It's good news for those who feel they've lost some of their belief, or that they've lost their faith altogether. Your concern for your own faith is enough to prove that your faith exists, and so long as your faith exists, you are sheltered by the grace of God.

"Increase our faith," said the apostles. Or rather, "Where's the ball? Where's the ball where's the ball where's the ball?"

Jesus, no doubt, was pointing back toward them. The faith was inside them-as much in their asking for it as in their belief in it--as it is within you. Perhaps the next time you kneel at the altar rail and accept the host, you will be tempted to lick your pastor's face in thanks. If this is the case I would remind you that the traditional response, though not as apparently demonstrative, is quite sufficient.

Amen.

Homily » October 5, 2003 » Blessing of the Animals » St. Mark's Lutheran Church » Spokane

2004-10-07T17:13:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to post my homily from this year's Blessing of the Animals at St. Mark's Lutheran Church, but before I do that, I'll post last year's. Enjoy.

Shalom

I remember several years ago when we took the new member class, pastor Finch mentioned that one of the traditions of the Lutheran church allows members of the congregation to preach. What I didn't realize at the time was that he wasn't just teaching us, he was warning us.

Go ahead and laugh. You may be next.

Truly, when I was asked to give the homily for blessing of the animals weekend, I was honored. After I'd said yes, and after I gave it some thought, and after I tried writing the homily the first two or four or eight times, I wasn't quite sure if I should feel so honored anymore.

Instead I started thinking, "why me?"

At this point you may be asking yourself the same thing: "Why him?" I suppose the answer is that I'm writing a book about dogs. My book is titled You Are a Dog, and will be out in October of 2004 from Harmony Publications, a division of Random House. Pastor Finch wanted to be sure that I mentioned my book, so now I have. He's very excited about the publication of my book-probably more than I am.

My Story

So I've known about this homily for weeks. I've been trying to write it for weeks. And, as often happens with me, what it took for me to finish it was to just get out of my own way and write it.

Even so, I'm not very good at going into any new experience completely blind. I like to have a lot of research materials at hand, even if I never use them. So when preparing this homily, I spent a lot of time researching what made me think I was qualified (other than Pastor Finch's enthusiasm, that is).

Mostly what I found in my research was material telling me how the liturgy and worship service requires the participation of the parishoners. You know what I mean. Call and response. Singing the hymns. Sharing the peace. Fellowship. Etcetera. Everyone in this room participates in the liturgy. So even when I'm not giving the sermon, I'm just as important a participant as the pastor.

As I read these words, I found myself saying, "yeah, yeah, whatever." I thought I was looking for something else. Something more powerful. More to the point.

I guess I figured that if I examined the Lutheran Book of Worship long enough, eventually I would find "Terry Bain may give the sermon during the week of blessing of the animals" printed there.

I probably don't need to tell you that I didn't find those words.

Here's part of my problem: I didn't grow up in a church. I was not particularly comfortable the first few times I sat through a worship service. Some things, such as the sharing of the peace, were extremely difficult for me. "You mean I have to interact with these people too?"

I used to mark time the same way my kids do now: "when we get to communion, we're almost finished." I used to check my watch a lot.

If you find yourself checking your watch right now, I won't hold it against you.

Even though I didn't grow up in a church, I feel truly blessed. Everything in the service was new to me, uncomfortable or not. Most everything still feels a little new. Standing up here talking about newness feels very very very new. But I got to experience the importance of the different aspects of the liturgy, of worshi--for the first time--as an adult. I still remember the first time one of the liturgical songs made it home with me. I was making coffee, and suddenly I began to sing: "Now the feast and celebration, all of creation, sings for joy."

Does something ever happen in your life and you say to yourself, "This is God talking to you?"
This is what I said to myself while singing over my coffee grounds: "Aha! I knew it. That's how they get ya!"

Apparently I was more concerned with indonctrination than salvation. Also, I obviously hadn't yet had my morning coffee.

Since that time I've found myself singing a great deal. And I've given myself over to it. If it's indoctrinination, then so be it, because I have a feeling that it isn't a matter of one thing or the other. Indoctrination and salvation. I get the salvation part regardless.

Does that make sense? I get the salvation even if the liturgy is simply burned into the pathways of my brain. And why is that?

Because we are saved by grace.

Because we live the worship every moment of our lives. When we are in church, grace is with us. When we are at work, grace is with us. When we are on the golf course or on the slopes, grace is with us.

And it's the only way, really, that I get to stand up here and say anything to you. Because I am not equipped with any special superhero powers. I cannot save you. Our able pastors cannot save you. Even you yourself cannot save you. Because you are saved by the grace of God, by the peace that passes all understanding.

When I stood up here and greeted you, I did so with the Hebrew word "Shalom," which, when translated simply and literally, means "Peace." But as you may know, rarely do words, especially ancient biblical words, translate so literally and simply. Shalom is no exception. "Shalom," I say, and I mean to say "Peace," but I mean a peace that passes all understanding. I mean a peace offered by God in the living form of Christ. When we share Christ's peace I will say "Shalom," and you will know I am wishing for you a kind of peace that I do not even understand... a kind of peace that is beyond me, that is beyond you, that is beyond all of humankind.

I didn't start writing about all this. I started with the animals. I started with the book I'm writing. What I've come to realize while writing such a book is that much of what we see in the biblical texts is lived in the lives of the beasts in our homes, whether they know that's what they are doing or not.

I will speak of dogs here--it's what I know. In many ways, I live my life as they do (though I am human, so I still have my undoglike weaknesses).

Our dog, Pretzel, does not greet me as others greet me. She comes to the door and gives me every ounce of her attention. She reports directly before me. She licks me and reminds me that nobody loves me like she does. She runs to me, then runs to Carver and Sophia and Sarah. She puts her head down and leaps up and carries on as if drunk or mad. What she appears to feel is a kind of joy that I have very rarely felt myself. Perhaps at the birth of my children have I felt such joy. On my wedding day. Yes, then, absolutely. But this dog feels and shows it to me daily. "You're home!" she says to me, "You're home! Oh thank God you're home!"

If I were to put a name to this greeting, what would I call it?

I would call it Shalom.

If Pretzel comes and wakes me at five o'clock in the morning, licking me in the face, I push her away. If I push her away, she comes back twice as eager. If I push her away once more she is twice again as happy to see me.

When I am gone for a very long time, for days or weeks at a time, Pretzel loves me when I return.

When I have left her outside in the rain or the sleet or the hot hot sun, she loves me.

When I yell at her to get off the sofa or to stop biting the wheel of the lawnmower, she loves me.

She responds to my touch with love.

She responds to my ire with love.

She responds to my love with love.

She responds with love.

Do I deserve any such love? I do not.

If I name this love, what will I call it?

I will call it grace.

Jesus blesses the children not because they need or want a blessing, but because they are wide open to it. They are not fighting one another to gain access to a blessing. Most of the time they are just present, blessing us with all the reminders of our weakness and humanity.

And we bless our animals today not because they need it. We bless our animals because the rest of the year, if we are paying attention, they can remind us of how to live moment by moment in the presence of Grace, with the promise of Shalom. Today we bless our animals because every other moment of the year, they bless us.

What qualifies me to speak in front of you all today? I do not know. I will never know. It is shalom, and it is a peace that passes all understanding.

And so, my wish for you, for your children and parents and animals and all those who love you and who you love, would be only this:

Shalom

Pink

2004-09-24T10:41:00.000-07:00

I heard someone say recently that Pink is the new black.

Okay, I made fun of whoever it was.

I'll do it again. I'll make fun of myself if I have to. I enjoy the ridiculous.

And though pink may not actually be the new black, it's definitly, at least, the old pink.

49 Cents! Hockey Pucks!

2004-09-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I'm all over a49 cent hocky puck.

And a puck bag too? Will the madness never end?

Hey Look, now it's Genocide

2004-09-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

Sanctions? What, don't the Sudanese have enough oil?

Back to School » Pirate W. (George W. Bush, that is) » Mini Poster Print

2004-08-05T07:23:00.000-07:00

A fabulous dorm room decoration for political pirates.

Also available as a t-shirt. Just in case you don't have enough clothes.

e-pistle » Verizon Wireless

2004-07-08T06:23:00.000-07:00

Verizon Wireless:

On my previous bill, there are several questionable charges, almost all of them made from Phoenix, AZ. They are questionable, primarily, because not one of those calls was completed in a satisfactory manner.

My wife was, indeed, in phoenix, and she did take our phone. While there, she met many people will cell phones (obviously), and most people there had no trouble whatsoever using their service. But our Verizon service made the "Can You Hear Me Now" advertising seem more of a joke than it already is.

Most of the calls made while in Phoenix were either to or from me, in Spokane. Most of them lasted under 1 minute. Eventually we discarded the use of the phone. We ended up spending 82 poor minutes on calls in Phoenix, either checking messages or saying "no, I can't hear you now." Then we'd try again. Obviously we tried again too many times. We resorted to using the hotel phone. But why should we have to when we've already paid for service? We ended up going 85 minutes over our plan amount, and I can't tell you how frustrating that is, and I am very close to canceling my service altogether, regardless the cost to me.

I specifically signed up for Verizon service because of its extended service area, so I could use it when traveling. So far it has failed us on two major trips (once to Phoenix and once to New York, though the New York trip was somewhat better connected).

I would like some portion of my calls to and from Phoenix reversed, and I would further like an explanation regarding why on earth I couldn't use my phone there.

Sincerely,
Terry Bain

e-pistle

2004-07-04T18:09:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of anti-consumer activity in the business world. So I'm writing letters whenever my ire is up. In the past, I've written my letters, and I may receive a response or I may receive silence. Instead I'll post my letter here, and any response to it under the heading of e-pistle. If it seems useful, I'll keep doing it. If it doesn't, I won't.

My first letter here is to catalog.com.

I am currently trying to remove all my domains from catalog.com, and my current troubles are related pricisely to my reasons for doing so. That is, it appears I've been charged for a dns everything plan, even though I've already paid for the hosting club as of 4/1/04. It is my understanding that hosting is included in the hosting club plan.I attempted to transfer domains before renewal from catalog.com, but received little warning that my credit card was about to be charged. Since this is a cash card that I only put money into when I'm about to pay a bill of some kind, there is rarely money in it. In any case, Catalog rejected my transfer, which is unfortunate. I don't want to have any more ill will toward your company than I already have. Unfortunately every time I've made the effort to call catalog.com, I've encountered some pretty rotten customer service.

Please remove the everything plan from my bill, and tell me what you can do about the fee for my domain name. And also please release my domain so that it may be transferred.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Terry Bain

Pirate W.

2004-07-02T13:48:00.000-07:00

Get yourself some Pirate W. Stuff, like this here t-shirt:

More for Seventeen Bucks

2004-07-01T03:09:00.000-07:00

Come to think of it, al Jr. Spaghetti Tanks are currently on sale for seventeen bucks.

On Sale: WPA Nurse the Baby Jr. Spaghetti Tank

2004-07-01T03:01:00.000-07:00

My WPA Nurse the Baby Jr. Spaghetti Tank is now on sale for just seventeen bucks.

Army to call up former soldiers

2004-06-30T06:46:00.000-07:00

Oh, ouch. The arm is calling in "former" soldiers to fill in its thin ranks. This seems unwise to me in so many ways. And anyone who doesn't think there will be grumbling doesn't understand human nature (or rather, doesn't understand the American psyche . . . I'm not sure I believe in human nature much).

I think I can feel the grumbling already.

Fair Trade Coffee from Just Coffee

2004-06-27T14:24:00.000-07:00

Here's how to make your coffee move more than you. Buy Just Coffee.

Both Green and Yellow

2004-06-27T14:16:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that a political party that campaigns only where it will have no influence is no kind of party at all. The Green Party may be hoping to avoid being the "spoiler" and pick up some membership in the states where its influence is low, but this is frankly a giant step backwards, and another reason I can't tolerate their politics.

As much as it annoys me that Ralph Nader is running again in 2004, it annoys me even more the way everyone tiptoes around him as if they come too close, we'll immediately be at war with Iran and North Korea.

I doubt that I'll end up voting for Ralph Nader, but at least he has claim to convictions as powerful as the fundamentalist convictions held by W. Bush. I'm not particularly comfortable with the Kerry lump.

My question to everyone out there claiming that he's absolutely better than G.W.: How do you know?

And this is my question to Kerry as well. How do we know? Please make every effort to tell us how we should know you won't be as bad as this guy in the white house now. Please show us in great detail. And do it quickly, because time is running short.

Officially Caring about Tennis: I Admire Sprem Too

2004-06-25T10:40:00.000-07:00

Looks to me like Serena and Andy need to stand the hell down. It simply isn't up to any competitor during any event over which there is officiating to make such a call. Certainly, it is up to the competitor whether they decide to argue, be it in their favor or not. Whether it was in or out, the official is supposed to be the one making that call, not the athlete.

And it's pretty damn disingenuous for either Serena or Andy to be making statements like "no way would I have done that." What a large load of garbage. You tell me the first time either of them questions a call that goes in their favor and I'll be happy to take it all back.

Sprem deserves as much credit for staying mum as Venus. Neither one of them would be able to do a damn thing about the call anyway. As soon as officials start changing their mind, they lose what they need to make the call in the first place, and that's absolute authority.

When was the last time you saw Roger Clemens come charging off the mound after a called third strike, screaming, "No goddamn way, ump. That was obviously wide." And as lousy a free-throw shooter as Shaq is, I don't recall him ever getting into a ref's face with anything akin to "that was not foul, you idiot . . . he never touched me." As entertaining as those scenarious might be, it simply will never happen, and it never should.

Officially Caring about Tennis: I Admire Sprem Too

2004-06-25T10:33:00.000-07:00

iRaq=iPod? Not Hardly

2004-06-24T17:33:00.000-07:00

Ouch. Iraq. A poster. Clever? Sure. I wonder what action, if any, Apple will take. My guess is they will issue a cease and decist of some kind. I'm not sure what rhetorical purpose is served by populating the popular iPod adverts with images of Iraq terror and war, except to make Apple somehow guilty of promoting the war by trying to sell a product. Um, no. I don't think that works. You cannot fight empty rhetoric--"Iraq=911"--with empty rhetoric--"iRaq=iPod."

There are better ways to fight stupidity and injustice. In fact, we live in a country ripe with ways to fight it, so long as we take advantage of those ways.

tags // iraq / ipod / iraqipod / poster / posters / apple / war

Fourth of July Sale on Patriotic Stuff

2004-06-23T23:22:00.000-07:00

Cafe Press is having a fourth of july sale. You'll want to go buy some patriotic stuff, of course.

Designs on the White House T-Shirt Design

2004-06-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

Designs on the White House (DOTWHO) has posted the t-shirt design finalists. Some of them are kind of dopey and cliche, but others are really good, and all of them beat the hell out of the moronic, knee-jerk redwhiteandblue Kerry Gear.

What the hell would happen if a candidate decided their color was mauve or something?

President Bush visits Spokane

2004-06-18T00:30:00.000-07:00

Someone please tell me, was he even here? My stomach wouldn't be so grumbly if I thought three or four of those thousand buck a plate finger-food meals was going to pay for the fuel in air-force one, or for the local police support, or for the use of the convention center. But no. It all goes to Nethercutt. Which is like some kind of hoodoo magic I simply do not get.

Seven Billion Peace Flags

2004-06-16T17:15:00.000-07:00

Are you a designer? Believe in peace? Then design a peace flag for your neighborhood, or for the world.

Welcome George W. Bush

2004-06-16T16:37:00.000-07:00

The Peace & Justice Action League of Spokane is turning out for a party in honor of our Commander in Chief. Join them, won't you?

Book : Genesis, Jim Crace

2004-06-09T16:13:00.000-07:00

ISBN: 0374227306 { amazon | powells }

I find most book reviews troubling. Too many reviewers are simply writing entertainment--and it's too often snarky, not very entertaining entertainment. Too many want to be noticed. Too many don't want to be bothered to think. Too many would rather not be troubled with evaluation and end up summarizing. Maybe that's what we want in a review--snarky, self-interested infomercials masquerading as thought--but I really want no part of it. So I won't be writing any book reviews. Instead I'll write essays in which I feature books. Essays in which a book, be it a novel or book of short stories or cartoons or typographical misfortunes, takes center stage, but in which my purpose is not "to encourage acceptance of this current literary guru," or "to rend this well-respected author limb from frostbitten limb." My purpose may vary, as will the frequency with which I write essays. But when I am done with them, I will post here, on my website, on the Praxis pages (http://praxis.bainbooks.com).

Which brings me to the book Genesis, by Jim Crace. I didn't really choose to write about Genesis. It chose me, I suppose, by its very nature, or by my disappointment in its very nature. I was disappointed in part because of my adoration of Mr. Crace's book Being Dead { amazon | powells }. When I had finished that book I set about to make sure that everyone I knew would also read it, so that we might exchange knowing references to the book, or so that we might all be better able to live in this world. I still foist it on people when they say to me, "I'm bored. What should I read?"

"Being Dead," I say. "Oh, it is very good."

This new book changes none of that feeling. I still say Being Dead is in my top ten books list. My Desert Island Books list. Being Dead was simply like a perfect storm of good writing for me, a novelistic feat like one I would like to perform myself, the ideal combination of form, tone, metaphor, mystery, plot, and love. And it stoked one of my favorite methods of evaluating a book. When I ask myself, "Is this a book you wish you would have written?," if the answer is yes, if my primary gut reaction to the book is one of jealousy, then I trip through the pages like a six year old who's just discovered The Most Amazing Jungle Gym Ever, hoping that it will never end, that my parents won't show up to drag me home.

But Genesis? Oh, with Genesis I've run into nothing but problems. My first problem is with the title. Genesis. The title Genesis seems all too snide once I get inside the book. For you see here's the second trouble I'm having with the book. The conceit, which is that the protagonist, Lix, cannot help but conceive a child with every woman he sleeps with, is little more than tawdry. Oh, I know I'm asking for trouble by using that word. I don't want you to believe that I find anything about Mr. Crace to be tawdry. But the conceit, the idea that this is something upon which a novel can be based, does nothing but turn my stomach. It seems a joke, a kind of wink to people asking about his next novel. "Oh yes. I'm writing a book about a man who conceives a child with every woman he sleeps with. It's called Genesis." It sounds like a book written by a million MFA students in a kazillion MFA programs, and my response at first was, "You've got to be kidding."

But I was willing to give him this. After all, I was willing to live with the conceit of Being Dead, in which the two protagonists are dead and decomposing upon a beach. Perhaps he would pull this one around as well, and make it into something lovely.

But no. Genesis is trying to be to be just as clever as I thought it would be. It begins with Lix's most recent conception, on the night of the conception, and moves immediately backward to his first. Jim Crace is an incredibly talented writer, no question. Line by line the text is remarkable, but when the lines begin to build I begin to lose patience.

If I look closely at my annoyance I recognize that it has almost everything to do with the stillbirth of my child, Grace, on June 1, 2003. It's been over a year since her birth, but her presence in my life is tangible. Before Grace, I might have devoured Genesis. Before Grace, I might have given him the idea of perfect fertility, perfect pregnancy, perfect birth (followed by imperfect life, of course). But today I don't tolerate it, in fiction or non-fiction.

Maybe I'm just angry at the main character, Lix, for being such an insufferable asshole. He is the sort of man I hope evolution will do away with, but somehow manages to flourish. He doesn't apparently recognize the value of procreation, the mystery of life and birth. His obsessions lie elsewhere, with the garbage of vanity and the mistakes of love. He seems frozen in his own self-absorption, and I can't stomach it.

I can't stomach it so much that I'm tired of myself writing about it. In Genesis, instead of being jealous that he'd written a book I wanted to write, I found myself arguing with the author. "You've got that wrong. The world isn't that way. The world of your novel isn't that way. This is a misstep. No, no, and no."

But arguing with a novel is one of those follies I cannot allow myself to luxuriate in for long. So I'll move on to another book. I don't expect every Jim Crace book to be perfect anymore, and this will undoubtedly help me next time I take him on. Perhaps I will apply what I've learned here to other favorites of mine, to keep myself from despair. I like to think I am that smart, and that I'll be able to do just that. I'd like to think that I'm that smart, but I really doubt that I am.

Reviews Elsewhere

Mini: "The Act of Turning Over"

2004-06-07T23:52:00.000-07:00

The act of turning over doesn't help you sleep. Nor do the sleeping pills. Or the alcohol. Nor does it help when you try to wake M, to press yourself against her so she'll know what you want. Oh, she knows what you want. But not since the early months of your marriage has it made any difference. In those days you could press or brush or sit motionless and both of you would wake at once, mouths pressed against teeth, carnivorously attempting to eviscerate the other, piece by bloody piece, joy by raucous joy. That's the thing, isn't it. The memory. It's too difficult to remember. Too goddamn painful. If she would just open her eyes. But the act of turning, the act of turning her. It doesn%92t help you sleep. And she knows what you want. So she turns away. You may as well get up. There will be no more sleep in this house. Not ever.

Mini: "Blue Eyes"

2004-06-07T02:19:00.000-07:00

I was just sitting here thinking, “You know what? You should go down and get yourself some ice cream.” And then as I was thinking that I remembered that we don’t have any goddamn ice cream because the kid ate the last of it before he went back to his mom’s. So I get up and I go look at the bed, and there’s Shalla all wrapped up in herself like it must be minus twenty in here but I’m hot as hell. She always gets this way that time of the month, and dammit if I don’t want to spread her out all over the bed and to hell with that time of the month. But I don’t. Oh, you know I don’t. I just go into the bathroom and sit on the toilet looking at page three of the lingerie catalog. It’s a damn shame that this doesn’t do anything for me. I could wipe with page three and it would make me feel more than it does sitting here looking at it. Just looking, nothing else. Makes me want to sing like Frank Sinatra. Makes me sing all drunk and slovenly. Belting it out anyway. Too too hot.

Mini: “The Former American President”

2004-06-06T02:48:00.000-07:00

The former American President approaches the tree with his axe. He doesnt know yet if hes going to cut it down or if hes going to sit beside the tree and pull at the bark with his thumbnail. Hes done this before too, and both are satisfying, in their own way. He doesnt know what hes doing out here in the woods, and it all looks vaguely familiar. He sits beside the tree and examines the bark. He pulls away a fleck of bark with his thumbnail and he examines it. He flings the fleck of bark onto the forest floor. Theres an axe across his lap, and he touches the blade with his thumb. Its a dull axe, but an axe need not be so sharp that it might cut your thumb should you choose to touch its blade with your thumb. And this axe does not cut his thumb. Instead he touches the metal, runs his thumb along the blade. He was expecting it to be cold. Shouldnt metal be cold? Isnt it cold? Isnt it winter? It should be winter but the ground feels wet and warm, like Spring. The ground rolls off and away when he pushes it, like a comforter, and he pulls back the warm mossy comforter, pulls it away and settles in. It isnt cold but there is nothing like a comforter up to your chin, snuggled into the forest, he imagines himself Mickey Mantle, or the great Babe Ruth. Why not? He snuggles up with his axe now, closing his eyes, ready.

How to Avoid Paying NSF Fees

2004-05-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

If you're at all like me, you hate paying NSF (Non-Sufficient Funds) fees. (Not that I've ever had any, just in case Mom and Dad are reading this. You know. They worry.)

We all make mistakes. Or rather, we all make a little too little money (again, um, not that I make too little money, but . . . oh nevermind).

If you want to avoid paying NSF fees, here are a few kilobytes of advice.

Real Advice Number 1 -- If you made an honest mistake, it can pay to call your bank. Explain what happened in exquisite detail. (It helps to write the exquisite detail down before calling. That way you don't forget.) Often banks and credit unions are staffed by actual people with actual difficulties just like you. They might be inclined to remove one or all of the NSF fees from your balance if you give them sufficient reason to do so (especially, it seems, if your bank or credit union is customer oriented). And if the bank made a mistake (which they sometimes do, believe it or not), they're even more inclined to do so. Sometimes it can be especially helpful if you bank at a local establishment, or a credit union. For some reason, they just tend to be friendlier folks.

A few additional tips if you call: Don't whine. Don't yell. Stay calm. It's just money. Be reasonable. Connect with the person on the other end of the line on a human level and even if they don't remove the fee, you're likely to live longer. (That's because you remove the stress from your life. Do I really have to explain these things to you?)

Sort of Unreal Advice Number 2 -- Close your checking account. Put your money under the mattress. Or give it to your cousin for safekeeping. Or better yet, scroll down the page and click the paypal button. Give as much as you can to me. Remember to give until it hurts.

Okay, seriously, some people just can't keep track of how much they have in the bank, and if you're one of those people, and you aren't holding a tremendous amount of money, and you happen to be paying as much or more in NSF fees (even twenty five dollars could be more) than you would on Money Orders when you need to drop some money into the U.S. Postal Service, then you could save a bundle by removing that money from your friendly banker's vault. Even 25 dollars a month amounts to 300 dollars a year. That pays for a lot of Western Union fees, you know?

Real Advice Number 3 -- Keep a 50 to 100 dollar buffer in your account that you don't record in your checkbook. This might become confusing when you balance your checkbook every month, but I'm guessing if you can't keep track of how much money is in there, then you probably aren't balancing your checkbook (really obvious sub-advice number 3.1415, balance your checkbook as soon as your statement arrives every single month). But if you do balance your checkbook, and you still get an NSF every once in awhile, and furthermore if you're the sort of person who can set your watch ahead by five minutes to make yourself early for a doctor's appointment (at which time you'll obviously have to wait 30 minutes in the waiting room), then you can probably manage to keep an extra balance as well.

Sort of Unreal Advice Number 4 -- To further trick yourself, instead of creating a baloney buffer, write a 50 or 100 dollar check to yourself or your spouse or your dog (probably the safest) and don't ever cash it. Hang it on the wall. Write "buffer" in the comment column. Write "VOID" across it to keep it from being stolen and used. Or write "do not cash this check, it'll bounce like a rubber blanket." That tends to make bank tellers suspicious.

But (oh yes, this is a big but) if you're the sort of person who writes an extra 125 dollars worth of checks knowing that you have the buffer, stay far away from this method. It'll only cause more damage than was already there.

Finally, the most surefire method of avoiding NSF fees goes like this:

1. Balance your checkbook (see number 3.1415 above).
2. Record every check and withdrawal from your checking account.
3. Don't write checks or make withdrawals beyond what you have in your checking account.

Does this seem obvious? Yeah, maybe so. But banks are making millions of dollars every year on NSF fees alone.

If you need further convincing, then read this marketing copy from an ODP company (odp is the industry name for protecting your nsf checks and having you pay just the bank rather than the bank and the bloke your wrote the check to). This one bank makes $70,000 a month on nsf checks alone. Do not contribute to this. Your value as a customer should not be in nsf fees. If this is truly the service the bank has to offer, then back up to number 2, and make extra room under your matress.

Did you find this interesting or useful?

Business

2004-05-18T12:21:00.000-07:00

I'm on the bus. I'm minding my own business. I'm reading the Wall Street Journal. And I don't even particularly like reading the Wall Street Journal. But like I said. I'm on the bus. I'm minding my own business.

And a guy gets on the bus. This guy's being followed by another guy (who I'll call a "fella" so as not to confuse you), and the fella is shouting threats to the order of: "I'll shoot you. Oh yeah? I’ll shoot you."

The guy on the bus shouts something back. He calls the fella a name or two.

The fella repeats his threat several times. The bus driver also shouts at the fella. The bus driver also calls the fella a name or two.

I'm midway back on the bus, not really near the front. I don't think I'm actually in any danger here. I don't see an actual gun. Just shouts. And apparently the fella has doused the guy on the bus with some kind of liquor. He stinks of alcohol, and it is early in the morning. Too early for alcohol, even for the son of an alcoholic (that’s me). The guy on the bus is complaining that he can't go to school like this. He's going to have to get off the bus and go change and be late for school.

I'm considering telling the guy not to get off the bus and go home and change. I teach where this guy goes to school. I've seen him on the bus. It's a community college where he goes to school. A community college instructor should understand (I would). I consider telling the guy that any instructor who doesn't understand why he smells like liquor isn't worth the tuition this guy is paying. I consider telling him that if he wants, I'll follow him to his classroom and explain for him why he smells like liquor.

I consider a lot of things. But as of yet, I do nothing.

The driver and the guy are still yelling at the fella, who is walking away by now, headed somewhere else, to threaten someone else, presumably.

I consider telling the driver not to provoke the fella, not to call him names and tell him to come back over here so he can show him what he's made of. Just because we don't see a gun doesn't mean there isn't a gun. Guns are pretty easy to hide, so far as I know. I'm glad to be looking at the fella's backside as he moves away from us. I'm glad I don't see a gun.

But I'm still there midway back on the bus, saying nothing. I allow what has been proceeding to continue to proceed without a peep from me. The guy who cannot go to school smelling like liquor decides to get off the bus and go home to change. The bus driver tries to convince him not to get off the bus. I think this is good advice, but the guy won't listen to it. He's getting off. He's going to change and get to school late, but at least he won't stink of liquor. Does he live near the fella who was threatening him? I don't know, and maybe I don't want to know much more about these two.

The driver closes the doors. The guy walks away from the bus in the same direction as the fella just did a few moments before. The guy keeps checking himself, as if to see if he's still of one piece. I look at my Wall Street Journal. I haven't turned a page or really moved it much since I got on the bus. But now I put it back in front of my face. Maybe I've learned something about myself. Maybe I've learned something about living in the world. Not from the Wall Street Journal. Not really from the guy on the bus or the fella with (or without) the gun. I didn't ever see a gun. I probably wasn’t in much danger. So now I'm still on the bus. The bus moves forward as if nothing has happened. And me? I'm minding my own damn business.

Essay: Fetch the Baby

2004-05-06T11:27:00.000-07:00

At one time, this essay could be found on my taxis page. But then I realized that taxis was going to be where I wanted to host links and other doo-dads. So I'm moving all flull-blown essays and whatnot to the praxis page (where you are right now), and taxis should change somewhat in the nearish future.

Fetch the Baby

I am a father. Which means I cannot give a newborn the most nourishing--both physically and mentally--food. I cannot nurse my child from my breasts. The closest I can come is to go the freezer, remove a small package of expressed breast milk, heat it gently, put it into a bottle, and sit with him, rock him, look into his eyes as he drinks it down.

I have not done this in what seems a very, very long time.

But when my son was young enough, before he was eating a lot of solid foods, I took a kind of guilty pleasure in offering him this bottle of breast milk. It was very soothing to him, and he would tug on his ear and watch me as he drank it, blinking, smiling. It gave me but a slight glimmer of what it must be like to nurse a child, and was so rewarding that I couldn't imagine, were I a mother, not nursing my child. I couldn't imagine not wanting the further attachment of skin to skin, of directly nourishing him, feeling him grow in my arms.

When I watch my wife nurse my son I know that there is a kind of communication between them that I will never know. Rather than feel jealous of this relationship, I feel that it is my responsibility to encourage it, to make a space for it, to support them in any way that I can. The ways that I can help are small, but they add up, and they work.

Here are a few tips for "nursing dads," especially with mom and newborn, and you can take them or leave them, but they have worked tremendously well for me and my family:

1. Bring Mom snacks and glasses of water. Chances are good she's not drinking enough water, and snacks will encourage the drinking as well as keep her cheered, and the drinking, of course, will keep her hydrated.

2. Do not complain when asked to retrieve things like books or magazines (or anything else) while mom and baby are nursing. In fact, encourage the fetching of items. When she asks, practice the following: "No problem." Go ahead. Say it right now. It doesn't matter who hears you. It's almost always appropriate. Now go get her favorite magazine, take it to her while she's nursing. Set it near the snacks. Maybe she'll read, maybe she won't. It hardly matters. Do it anyway.

3. When the baby is crying and you're trying to settle him down, don't "suggest" that he needs to nurse. Mom knows. Do, though, give up the child to mom when she asks for him. Do not say anything approaching "You're nursing him again? In other words, don't be a fool. Put a sock in it.

4. If mom is complaining about nursing, let her. She needs the release. She needs to express her frustration. Do not be so utterly crazy as to say something like, "maybe you should wean her." Instead say something like, "Would you like a glass of water? You must be exhausted. How about some tea?" Now you're getting it.

5. Do not be afraid to call La Leche League yourself (though don't dial the number then hand the phone to your unsuspecting wife. Have you learned nothing here? This call is for your education and enlightenment only. They can be very helpful, and provide you with lots of information about nursing moms. Call La Leche League International at 1-800-LALECHE or (847)519-7730, or go to www.lalecheleague.org on the web. (And if mom is having trouble, see if you can get her to call La Leche League herself. Despite anything you may have heard, it's not just a bunch of moms sitting around nursing their six-year-olds. They are there to support a mom's nursing efforts, no matter how much or how long they want to nurse, and most of them don't bite. At least not the first time you call.)

6. You know your nursing mom better than I do. Don't be afraid to trust your instincts. But before you trust your instincts, ask yourself if they are actually your instincts or something your mother is sitting on your shoulder and telling you. This happens even when your mother is thousands of miles away. Don't let it happen to you. Tell your imaginary mother to put a sock in it. And if you have to, tell your real mother to put a sock in it too.

So this is it: support support support. Is that clear enough? I don't want to get rough anybody. I can be a mean son of a mother when I want to be.

Most importantly, enjoy this time and keep you and mom healthy. If you don't pay attention, you'll miss entire acres of time, and you don't get any of that stuff back. Remember, you are a part of the family, and that doesn't mean you just get to be nervous and defensive and moody--you do not get to withdraw and pretend your work is harder and more time consuming than everybody else's, because it absolutely isn't. When you feel yourself sliding into that trap, practice saying it: "No problem." Say it in the car on the way home from work. Say it to the bathroom mirror. Say it to your boss and to the parking attendant who just gave you a ticket. Say it. "No problem." Pretty soon, I promise you, it will become true.

New? Yes, New

2004-04-19T17:13:00.000-07:00

New Praxis content coming soon. I promise. Including, I hope, an explanation of what I mean by "praxis" and why the hell I don't just use internet standards like "home" and "links."

Do You Google?

2004-03-30T11:50:00.000-08:00

This is a test.

Woops!

2004-01-01T20:39:00.000-08:00

Something went wrong... rats. You aren't subscribed to the email list. Either try again, or email me and I'll add you by hand.

Thanks!

Sucess!

2004-01-01T20:38:00.000-08:00

Woo hoo! You are now subscribed to the famous email list! Exclamation point!

Thanks!

Hey Look!

2003-11-19T15:29:00.000-08:00

It's a new section! It's almost like a real web site! Wow!

How many exclamation points will he use!

This will be a place for me to post my business endeavors, including (but not limited to) book design, book site design and hosting, and giant promotional tours that I'll be making with my worldwide bestselling books.

For now, I'll start by posting right here in the blog portion of the page.